I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
