I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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