Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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