I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
