it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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