I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
