Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And then he peed in my hair
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