i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's always time for handjobs
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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