yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
