"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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