i was born a porn star she said
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
