I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
