3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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