Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think i have herpe
just one?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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