Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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