Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
