I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
