I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
