well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
