Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Randomize
