maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
