I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
