I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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