6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
