I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
