I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
