Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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