NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
