He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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