It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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