So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
