Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
