Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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