I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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