Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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