went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
