My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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