She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
