from now on my penis is your penis
and you said cock pushups were impossible
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
