textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
