Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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