I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
