once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
