Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
