Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
