so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
