you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
