Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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