I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
