Buhtt sex?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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