ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
