ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
