All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
