Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
