Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
