You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
