Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
