You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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