Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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