I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
