I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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