ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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